(no subject)

It's been over a week since Nicholas was born and we're all doing well. There are inumberable moments of tremendous joy - he was a little chilly after a sponge bath so I held him on my chest, under my bathrobe, and we cuddled until Mamma was ready to nurse. His little fingers played with my chest hair and he tried to figure out why my chest was so much less useful than his mother's. There are a few moments, still, of sadness. Shannon, of course, is dealing with the fun of post-partum hormones, which can't make it any easier. But both of us still encounter grief. We grieve for the loss of something that we only imagined, we worry about the future, and when needed we take turns being strong. I suspect these emotions may never completely fade, and that's alright. They don't stand between our love for our son, or our determination to make sure the world is as beautiful a place as he thinks it is. I still, however, cannot really listen to the song that Kurt wrote for Nicholas. Looking back at your comments from those first few days also make me tear up. Overall, though, having our healthy, happy, sweet, boy with us overrides everything else.

I've now been doing some reading, mostly following links left to us by some of you in comments. I find This .pdf from the UK Down's Syndrome Association to be good. There's still so much information to absorb.

At home, Nicholas has begun to adapt very well. Nursing has become relatively easy once again (for the last 24 hours. We'll see what the next one's bring). Nursing means less gas, happier mama, happier baby, daddy gets to sleep, it's better for everyone (although I missed my 3-5 feeding last night, I enjoyed the sleep). I have to get back to work now, too, so a little more sleep can lead to a lot more productivity. For a while yet, Daddy needs to bring home the bacon, so I better get to it.

We're more or less happy to receive visitors from friends now, but please understand that we are still not highly functional. Call or email directly, suggest a time when you might come over, and if you can please bring some prepared food for our freezer (preferably in portions. Huge vats of frozen stuff are less useful than three dinner's worth in three separate freezable containers). If you smoke, please change into something not laden with toxins before you come over.

Thanks to everyone for everything.