Holland also has chocolates.

[lollardfish]

mia_mcdavid used the phase "welcome to Holland" in a very sweet email to us. We didn't get it. My mother, though, got the story in an email from a friend (historian Linda Kerber, interesting woman), who went to highschool with the author. Emily Kingsley helped create Sesame Street and her Downs child appeared on the show from time to time. Anyway ... I /love/ this metaphor.

I speak Italian, ironically enough. Not Dutch.

---

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Comments

[mizzlaurajean.livejournal.com]

That was fast. I read this on line. Like many things it made me teary cause emotions run high, and I love little Nico.

Put the nursing pilow on your jacket. With the breat pump gadgets. Good night sleep fast.

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

Done. We will. I need to calm down for a few minutes.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

If only it were spring training...

K.

[zinzinzinnia.livejournal.com]

Holland also has chocolates

And beer. And they weren't meanies during WWII. And they're especially fond of Canadians there.

Holland... excellent place

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

And stoners!!!!!

K. [and stroopwafels]

Re: Holland... excellent place

[saracura.livejournal.com]

mmm stroopwafels!

Re: Holland... excellent place

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Mmmmmm, indeed.

B

[jbru.livejournal.com]

I like that metaphor, too. In some ways it says a lot about my relationship with my disabled sweetie, too. I'll have to make sure she reads this.

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

Yeah, absolutely.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Holland has legal pot.

B

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

I've known that story ever since our kids were little, because Kingsley is a writer for Sesame Street, which was a huge part of our lives in those years. She has been responsible for much of the inclusion of people with disabilities on the show.

I think the story is a great metaphor. Using it, I would say that J and I chose to go to Holland, four times--but the fourth time I think we wound up in Transylvania. (You probably don't know us well enough to follow that, but if you want to know more, ask the minnehahas; they have my permission to tell you anything they know.)

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

I can't follow that. I'd like to, in a few weeks. Right now, other people's stories are in some ways not as helpful as I thought they would be. but in a few weeks when we can see over the horizon of the next feeding or pumping.

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

Oh, of course. I think that the one thing that all new parents have in common, whether their kids arrive by birth or on an airplane, whether the kids have any difficulties or not, is that the new parents have to live in the moment, moment by moment.

[madtruk.livejournal.com]

That is awesome. Oh, and temperature thing happens-if they aren't concerned, neither should you. Cora also had to go back and spend time in the 'baby toaster.'

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

mmmm .... toasted baby?

Yeah, temp is looking ok.

[fredcritter.livejournal.com]

I think I read that in the StarTribune some years back, but I could be wrong about that. That is, I know I've read it before, but I could be wrong about where I read it. Yes it's lovely and good to think about.

[chirosinger.livejournal.com]

Now I'm all teary. I'm really looking forward to meeting little Nico. Please let us know when you're ready for us to stop by and visit. I know it might be a while and that's OK. Step by step, day by day.

[mrsmodew.livejournal.com]

I was wondering what she meant by that.

Thank you very much for posting this. I don't want to be trite or too gushy, but this is so very well written. It grabs you and makes anyone with any kind of depth, ache.

Please let me know when I/we can stop by and meet Master Nicholas. Like chirosinger, we totally understand that it may be a bit before you will want more guests. I shall content myself with reading the posts and checking out the photo albums for the time being.

I am busy doing my research for that time that I get to babysit in the future. :)

If you and/or your lovely lady and son need anything, six one two, 5 2 1, thirty one thirty.

[alisgray.livejournal.com]

huh. never been to Italy, but I am totally excited to go to Holland again this year. I'd consider going to Italy also, except that my kitty gets all terrible lonely and I don't know anybody in Italy.

[creidylad.livejournal.com]

I just poked back in your journal and found a bunch of stuff I missed the first time, including this gem. Thanks for sharing it.