(no subject)

[lollardfish]

It's been over a week since Nicholas was born and we're all doing well. There are inumberable moments of tremendous joy - he was a little chilly after a sponge bath so I held him on my chest, under my bathrobe, and we cuddled until Mamma was ready to nurse. His little fingers played with my chest hair and he tried to figure out why my chest was so much less useful than his mother's. There are a few moments, still, of sadness. Shannon, of course, is dealing with the fun of post-partum hormones, which can't make it any easier. But both of us still encounter grief. We grieve for the loss of something that we only imagined, we worry about the future, and when needed we take turns being strong. I suspect these emotions may never completely fade, and that's alright. They don't stand between our love for our son, or our determination to make sure the world is as beautiful a place as he thinks it is. I still, however, cannot really listen to the song that Kurt wrote for Nicholas. Looking back at your comments from those first few days also make me tear up. Overall, though, having our healthy, happy, sweet, boy with us overrides everything else.

I've now been doing some reading, mostly following links left to us by some of you in comments. I find This .pdf from the UK Down's Syndrome Association to be good. There's still so much information to absorb.

At home, Nicholas has begun to adapt very well. Nursing has become relatively easy once again (for the last 24 hours. We'll see what the next one's bring). Nursing means less gas, happier mama, happier baby, daddy gets to sleep, it's better for everyone (although I missed my 3-5 feeding last night, I enjoyed the sleep). I have to get back to work now, too, so a little more sleep can lead to a lot more productivity. For a while yet, Daddy needs to bring home the bacon, so I better get to it.

We're more or less happy to receive visitors from friends now, but please understand that we are still not highly functional. Call or email directly, suggest a time when you might come over, and if you can please bring some prepared food for our freezer (preferably in portions. Huge vats of frozen stuff are less useful than three dinner's worth in three separate freezable containers). If you smoke, please change into something not laden with toxins before you come over.

Thanks to everyone for everything.

Comments

For what it's worth.

[chasophonic.livejournal.com]

I have been following your new adventure as I can. Getting the new semester underway and other bits of life haven't given me much time lately. I have wanted to say something beyond congratulations, which never seems enough. Any comments, advise, observations or purposed wisdom I might think to extend, I have shot down myself with an imagined "you don't know," response. In any case you have been much on my mind.

What I do know is what it means to be Dad. I have enjoyed immensely your accounts of discovering fatherhood. I know well that feeling of the little guy snuggling down with you. Utterly amazing! Everyone goes and still there he is, yours more than anything else has ever been before.

I know also from what I have seen here in LJ, that your village is ready to raise your child with you.

I have been Dad for a few days short of 37 years. I don't know that I was ready for it then, but three kids, eleven grand kids and working with countless students (who grow ever younger) has given me a paternal perspective that shades most of my view of the world. I have been quite taken by the openness and attitude that both of you have shared here on the news of Nicholas having Down Syndrome. I love the icon. I know we aren't close (I don't do close very easily), but I do count you as a friend. As a friend I am pleased for you both. But beyond that, from that paternal perspective, I have to say I am proud of you as well.

Re: For what it's worth.

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

Thanks Chas. That all means a lot. Those damn students do keep getting younger, huh ...

It's a damn good village.

Re: For what it's worth.

[mizzlaurajean.livejournal.com]

Damn it Chas! You just made me cry.


Though I suspect on 500 mg of estrogen that its not terribly hard to do.