Nico progress report.

[lollardfish]

Looking back on the last semester - it was long and hard. Beyond the work and the difficult schedule and our own lives, parenting was extra difficult. Nico was stuck on really all issues - walking, communication, overall body strength, eating, interacting with other children, attention span ... especially attention span. It was tiring and frustrating. I know that I had begun to really feel the weight of Nico's disability. I had sort of figured that by 2, we'd be close to where most children are by 16-18 months - rudimentary speech, standing/walking to some extent, greater ability to both follow direction and initiate play. It just didn't feel like we were anywhere near those benchmarks.

As a father of a child with Down's, I work hard to parent without expectations - I don't want to set limits for Nico's potential, but nor do I want to expect certain things to happen on any particular schedule. It's a challenge, and I had, it turns out, set these "by two" benchmarks.

Since Thanksgiving, Nico has made great strides in essentially every category. He also seems to have grown last week (it's not just the Lightning McQueen sneakers!), as he towers above objects that just recently were at his eye level. His attention span is great. He's signing consistently (baby, mommy, daddy, eat, drink, bath/potty, sleep, no, yes (sometimes), love, play (not always used clearly), and no doubt others). He's making all sorts of new sounds with his mouth, some of which reflect words (I say, "ba-ba-ba bath." He says, "buh buh buh buh buh!"). He's following directions of increasing complexity and showing attention to completing whole tasks (unload all the blocks. Pause. Put all the blocks back in) rather than starting many things. All his therapies have been fantastic this last week - from group play to communication to eating with a spoon to lots of standing in PT.

It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas?

Comments

[cakmpls.livejournal.com]

I'm glad he's doing so well and you are feeling more relived.

Parenting without expectations, in either direction, is, I think, a solid value for ANY parent, for all parenting.

This is a wild idea, so freely disregard it if it doesn't resonate. I wonder if possibly your profession, education, career path, leads you to think strongly in "stage" and "benchmark" ways. A person goes to grade school, then high school, then college, then grad school, then gets this kind of position, then this next kind of position...and if the person stops progressing, they are in some sense a failure. (This is SO not my own point of view, but it exists.) But a lot of life, including a lot of work, isn't like that, with clear stages and benchmarks.

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

Maybe. I'm not sure if it's a career thing or just a personality thing (chicken and egg scenario). On the other hand, I am judging by the reactions that I may have over-written my case - I am often self-critical about minor things. Shannon and I work pretty well without major benchmarks, but things like walking and talking ... I expect you'd be hard pressed to find parents not at least focused on those two.