lollardfish

First - Take really cheap cut of bone-in pork shoulder from Italian grocery. Remove meat. Dice. Season.

Second - burn prosciutto attempting to baconify it in microwave. Discard.

Third - Take out pancetta. Dice. Do not mention prosciutto incident.

Fourth - Remove casing from equal measures hot and mild sausage.

Fifth - Prepare finely diced celery, carrots, and onions. If finely dicing seems too Frenchy for you, roughly chop it. If roughly chopping seems like it might take too long to cook, put in food processor. Smile fiendishly.

Sixth - Make really big calpholon (tm) pan hot.

Seventh - Add, in sequence, pancetta, pork shoulder, then sausage. In each case let brown before adding next meat. Remember wisdom of Ann Burrell, "Brown food tastes good!" Add salt whenever the mood strikes.

Eighth - Add mirapois. Add garlic. Remember fennel but do not mention it lest more chopping be required. Add anchovy paste.

Ninth - Add rosemary, preferably from plant growing on front porch. Add red pepper flakes, disputing with wife all the time about amount of flakes. Know for a fact that either there will either be no trace of heat or it will be too hot for some of the family. Curse Minnesota palates.

Tenth - Mix. Wait. When wife suggests fennel, remark on her brilliance and watch her chop. Smile fiendishly.

Eleventh - Wait. Brown. Wait. Add salt. Or not. Wait. Brown. Wait.

Twelfth - Add cheap red wine and diced tomatoes until there's enough. Also stock. Get tired of writing down steps and note that it's all just waiting for awhile until the meat breaks down, then you get to taste and re-season, and we're not eating it until tomorrow, so hey, it's just twelve easy steps!

(Disclaimer - Reality has been adjusted for comic effect)