lollardfish (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
lollardfish) wrote2007-10-09 02:09 pm
lollardfish) wrote2007-10-09 02:09 pm
Prejudice
As many of you know, a few weeks ago Shannon received a wonderful job offer and took it. Among the many consequences of this opportunity is that we have to put our son into full-time childcare. It's not easy; we'd like him to be with one, or both, of us at all times. But we found a lovely local woman running a home daycare and knew, pretty much from my phone call with her, that this was what we wanted for Nico. It's a big house. There aren't too many kids. She has a playground (climbing, swinging) in her backyard. She has a finished basement lined in rubber playmats for kids to crawl around on, and about 8 million toys. She has a big stroller and a backpack. She has a zoo pass, a museum pass, and is close to lots of parks. She has a Masters in Ed., was a jr. high social studies teacher in a hard-nosed school in Chicago, but has since left that. She has a boy in 8th grade (born when she was 18 or so) and 2 lovely girls, ages 3 and 6 or so. She's divorced and working full-time as a mom and childcare provider. She's great.
She had three other kids, two toddlers who came part-time and one infant, a little over seven months old. Now she just has the two toddlers.
Jennifer called me this morning to tell me that the parents of the infant had pulled their girl from the childcare because of Nicholas. They are instead going to put her in a daycare center in the city where they work. Their reasons were a little all over the place - financial (Jennifer isn't cheap at all), first off. But more importantly, they were concerned that because Nico would need so much extra attention that Makenna (their girl) wouldn't get the care she needed/deserved. Of course, they are putting Mackie in a commercial daycare (rather than home) where she's likely to get much less attention then at Jennifer's, so this doesn't quite ring true to me either. And, they've never met Nicholas. Jennifer told them that he was healthy, loving, fun, and easy to play with. But no, their little girl wasn't going to be with this Down's baby. Last night, they gave her an ultimatum, either tell us no (she had already told us yes, accepted our check, made a plan of when to start, and so forth), or lose Mackie. To her, there was no choice - she told them to leave, and in fact to leave as of the end of this week (tomorrow). She's returning their deposit and is through with them - and is upset, as you'd expect.
I've written often in this journal about disability; how I perceive it, or don't, with Nicholas and all the other children and people around me; how my perceptions have shifted and how they haven't in the last 9 months. I've written that I have frequently referred to Nico as a "disabled child" - in order to stress the importance of me getting a gate pass to meet Shannon and the boy as they got off the airplane yesterday, in order to talk about healthcare when interviewing for jobs, and so forth, but that I've never seen his disability. Still haven't. But we also haven't encountered prejudice or phobia, until now.
I was shaken. I talked to Jennifer, thanked her for telling me, and we vented a little at each other. I hung up because I had to go teach. Tears filled my eyes, my throat closed, and I wobbled a little, then printed my notes, gathered it, put on "The Professor" persona and went to class. Class was fine, though it took me a few minutes to get going. Telling Shannon wasn't easy, but I feel a little better now that we all went over to Jennifer's, met Nico's developmental therapist there, we all four vented, and we're moving on. Nico's going to get terrific care by caring people, and that's what matters.
But part of me wants to take Nico and put him in front of Makenna's parents. To make them watch him play with her (which he was doing today, so, so, sweetly), to see his laugh, his smile, his ease. He'll reach out his little arms to them given half a chance, demanding a hug.
But I won't. They'll be gone soon, and probably its for the best that they are not in our lives, even tangentially.
She had three other kids, two toddlers who came part-time and one infant, a little over seven months old. Now she just has the two toddlers.
Jennifer called me this morning to tell me that the parents of the infant had pulled their girl from the childcare because of Nicholas. They are instead going to put her in a daycare center in the city where they work. Their reasons were a little all over the place - financial (Jennifer isn't cheap at all), first off. But more importantly, they were concerned that because Nico would need so much extra attention that Makenna (their girl) wouldn't get the care she needed/deserved. Of course, they are putting Mackie in a commercial daycare (rather than home) where she's likely to get much less attention then at Jennifer's, so this doesn't quite ring true to me either. And, they've never met Nicholas. Jennifer told them that he was healthy, loving, fun, and easy to play with. But no, their little girl wasn't going to be with this Down's baby. Last night, they gave her an ultimatum, either tell us no (she had already told us yes, accepted our check, made a plan of when to start, and so forth), or lose Mackie. To her, there was no choice - she told them to leave, and in fact to leave as of the end of this week (tomorrow). She's returning their deposit and is through with them - and is upset, as you'd expect.
I've written often in this journal about disability; how I perceive it, or don't, with Nicholas and all the other children and people around me; how my perceptions have shifted and how they haven't in the last 9 months. I've written that I have frequently referred to Nico as a "disabled child" - in order to stress the importance of me getting a gate pass to meet Shannon and the boy as they got off the airplane yesterday, in order to talk about healthcare when interviewing for jobs, and so forth, but that I've never seen his disability. Still haven't. But we also haven't encountered prejudice or phobia, until now.
I was shaken. I talked to Jennifer, thanked her for telling me, and we vented a little at each other. I hung up because I had to go teach. Tears filled my eyes, my throat closed, and I wobbled a little, then printed my notes, gathered it, put on "The Professor" persona and went to class. Class was fine, though it took me a few minutes to get going. Telling Shannon wasn't easy, but I feel a little better now that we all went over to Jennifer's, met Nico's developmental therapist there, we all four vented, and we're moving on. Nico's going to get terrific care by caring people, and that's what matters.
But part of me wants to take Nico and put him in front of Makenna's parents. To make them watch him play with her (which he was doing today, so, so, sweetly), to see his laugh, his smile, his ease. He'll reach out his little arms to them given half a chance, demanding a hug.
But I won't. They'll be gone soon, and probably its for the best that they are not in our lives, even tangentially.
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I am pleased that Jennifer has principals. I'm sorry some people suck.
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Dave, I am so glad that the person who'll have Nico's care has shown right from the start that she knows where her priorities lie.
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Yeesh. So, so...ugh, ya know?
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And i second the "who names their child MacKenna" reaction. Wow, it's so cre8tiv ;P
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And when do we get more Nico pictures? They make me happy.
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And I'm with you about the photos. I've not met Nico yet but I can't wait to meet the personality that can create some of those faces. Teh cute, it is too much! ;-)
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Good to hear that Nico is going to be in good hands while you guys are busy.
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K.
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I haven't met Nico (yet). I cannot wait to meet Nico, and hopefully have yet another young 'un in the Chez Dork herd. He's perfect and gorgeous (I have got to smooch those cheeks, please. I can't stand it. *grin*) and we will have tremendous fun getting to know each other.
Those people... it's just... *sigh* I'm sorry you all had to go through that.
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Good riddance.
K.
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They sound like the type who if it's not one thing it another and they really can't be pleased. They are the kind of people who can not see that the problem lies with them.
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I had an interesting, weird and vaguely disturbing encounter with the fallout of prejudice recently. Gwen, and much of her class, is going to be mainstreamed part of the day in the "regular" kindergarten classes. I suggested to the head of our Special Ed PTA (SEPTA) that as we were preparing to begin this in October, at some time in September this should get addressed at a broader meeting with the mainstream kindergarten parents so that they knew what was coming and how the program would work and the positives for the kids entering their kids' classes as well as for their kids.
Her response? Was that we might "upset" the other parents and not only should we not have a meeting to "warn" them but that we should not publicize this in any way.
Undeterred, I brought it up at a general kindergarten meeting with the principal. She was very happy to handle the topic and we talked about it in a group --- other parents who had older kids expressed their support for the program but their utter bafflement as to why it was handled in such a hush-hush fashion since their kids came home and told them about what was going on, anyway, and they would have liked to have some preparation so that they could appropriately frame a dialogue with their kids.
I was tempted to call the head of SEPTA and explain to her she was selling the mainstream parents short and shooting our own kids in the foot by setting up a situation where the other kids would not be properly prepared.
I'm so sorry you've run into this, but I'm so very glad you've found such a wonderful childcare provider.
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What pains me most is that it's not THEIR loss-- it's M's loss, not getting to be around Niko. And it's Niko's loss, because he must enjoy her company if he's playing so nicely with her.
Next time you're in town, if you want to set up a play date and let the babies slobber on each other? Let me know.
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The other posters covered my feelings about this, but I wanted to let you know that I am outraged on your behalf as well.
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As I said to
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Just...sigh. I got nothing. This sort of stuff makes me want to bite people.
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while the mother may be a social worker and know that often children with special needs require more attention, i think that she acted irrationally as a parent and as a human being.
it seems like she has pulled an archie bunker when the jeffersons moved in.
what is obviously her daughter's loss is nico's gain, as i suspect this daycare will be a GREAT experience for him! you two are VERY lucky parents, as i know that city daycares in toronto can be an "interesting" experience for children, and the personal attention that nico will be getting will serve him well in the future.
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