Prejudice

[lollardfish]

As many of you know, a few weeks ago Shannon received a wonderful job offer and took it. Among the many consequences of this opportunity is that we have to put our son into full-time childcare. It's not easy; we'd like him to be with one, or both, of us at all times. But we found a lovely local woman running a home daycare and knew, pretty much from my phone call with her, that this was what we wanted for Nico. It's a big house. There aren't too many kids. She has a playground (climbing, swinging) in her backyard. She has a finished basement lined in rubber playmats for kids to crawl around on, and about 8 million toys. She has a big stroller and a backpack. She has a zoo pass, a museum pass, and is close to lots of parks. She has a Masters in Ed., was a jr. high social studies teacher in a hard-nosed school in Chicago, but has since left that. She has a boy in 8th grade (born when she was 18 or so) and 2 lovely girls, ages 3 and 6 or so. She's divorced and working full-time as a mom and childcare provider. She's great.

She had three other kids, two toddlers who came part-time and one infant, a little over seven months old. Now she just has the two toddlers.



Jennifer called me this morning to tell me that the parents of the infant had pulled their girl from the childcare because of Nicholas. They are instead going to put her in a daycare center in the city where they work. Their reasons were a little all over the place - financial (Jennifer isn't cheap at all), first off. But more importantly, they were concerned that because Nico would need so much extra attention that Makenna (their girl) wouldn't get the care she needed/deserved. Of course, they are putting Mackie in a commercial daycare (rather than home) where she's likely to get much less attention then at Jennifer's, so this doesn't quite ring true to me either. And, they've never met Nicholas. Jennifer told them that he was healthy, loving, fun, and easy to play with. But no, their little girl wasn't going to be with this Down's baby. Last night, they gave her an ultimatum, either tell us no (she had already told us yes, accepted our check, made a plan of when to start, and so forth), or lose Mackie. To her, there was no choice - she told them to leave, and in fact to leave as of the end of this week (tomorrow). She's returning their deposit and is through with them - and is upset, as you'd expect.

I've written often in this journal about disability; how I perceive it, or don't, with Nicholas and all the other children and people around me; how my perceptions have shifted and how they haven't in the last 9 months. I've written that I have frequently referred to Nico as a "disabled child" - in order to stress the importance of me getting a gate pass to meet Shannon and the boy as they got off the airplane yesterday, in order to talk about healthcare when interviewing for jobs, and so forth, but that I've never seen his disability. Still haven't. But we also haven't encountered prejudice or phobia, until now.

I was shaken. I talked to Jennifer, thanked her for telling me, and we vented a little at each other. I hung up because I had to go teach. Tears filled my eyes, my throat closed, and I wobbled a little, then printed my notes, gathered it, put on "The Professor" persona and went to class. Class was fine, though it took me a few minutes to get going. Telling Shannon wasn't easy, but I feel a little better now that we all went over to Jennifer's, met Nico's developmental therapist there, we all four vented, and we're moving on. Nico's going to get terrific care by caring people, and that's what matters.

But part of me wants to take Nico and put him in front of Makenna's parents. To make them watch him play with her (which he was doing today, so, so, sweetly), to see his laugh, his smile, his ease. He'll reach out his little arms to them given half a chance, demanding a hug.

But I won't. They'll be gone soon, and probably its for the best that they are not in our lives, even tangentially.

Comments

[dd-b.livejournal.com]

Yikes. So this might mean you'll run into her again later, too.

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

Unlikely. But I suppose. Thousands of people though.