10 rules for music parties.

[lollardfish]

Rules for Music Parties - unfiltered by common courtesy. Sorry.

1. Be good. - Do stuff you actually know how to do.
2. If you aren't good, get better.
3. Blend. It is not acceptable to sing louder than the person leading the song (unless they need help). It is not acceptable to drone in monotones under people singing songs. And not all songs are singalongs.
4. Be honest with yourself. If you cannot sing, if you cannot hit the notes, please do not try to take leads. At least not more than one song every three parties. Same with lead musicians. I can't do guitar leads. Someone asks me to, I shake my head. I am trying to learn. Privately, where I can do no damage.
5. Be aware. Don't talk over people doing something pretty. Don't assume they do a song you do in exactly the same way you do. Try to follow.
6. A Capella is very dangerous. If you aren't really amazing, acapella sucks. People can't play along. There's no space for leads. And you are probably in violation of rules 1, 3, and 4. A lousy guitar player-singer is much less damaging to the circle than a decent acapella singer.
7. Stay with the mood. if you consistently find yourself unable to follow moods, learn more material. Not all songs are singalongs, but when people are singingalong and the mood is high, don't kick it in the shins.
8. Break the mood when it needs breaking.
9. This is a shared performance space. You are not in control. It is performance, so perform (it's not the same as singing in your shower. Sorry). It's also not a gig for you to do things exactly the way you'd like to on stage. You're leading, but not in control.
10. Break any of these rules KNOWINGLY anytime it seems right to you. Except the first one. Be good.

At a music party, everyone either adds or subtracts. I believe I used to add, barely, when I started out. Now I think I'm more of an addition to any given party (though I will always accept constructive feedback, gladly, delivered privately, with cake and pie, and some whiskey, and funny hats). But initially I had only one type of song (ballads), played too quietly, wasn't really aware of what was going on, got thrown when people did things I didn't expect during "my" songs, and so forth.

There are also two kinds of music parties (at least). One is egalitarian, where everyone participating is more important than quality. My rules only apply to the second type, where one is more concerned with making good music. Yes, I am aware that such thinking leads to the Snotty Elitist Music Parties of times past. But - people LIKED those parties. Sorry for those I've offended.

Edit: For another take, Read here.

Comments

[sleigh.livejournal.com]

Those are rules I can agree with... and yeah, I break 'em occasionally too. Sometimes deliberately, sometimes accidentally. Rule #1 is the key, as you say... but it's hard for a person to be self-critical enough to know if they qualify. I might think I'm good enough... but the majority of the circle might disagree once they hear me. There have occasionally been people in circles I've been in who I didn't feel were good enough. But hey, I'm a snob.

Rule #3: Unless the song's expressly a sing-along, I want to hear the lead person sing the song. Not anyone else. Sing along at the chorus if you must, preferably in harmony, and definitely at a lower volume than the lead person.

Rule #6: I've yet to hear anyone at the circles I've been in sing a cappella who didn't drift in pitch, and badly. None of them have as yet exhibited the phenomenal voice required for unaccompanied singing. None of them have as yet failed to destroy the energy of the circle with their choice of song. Someone who wants to take an a cappella turn should instead eat some pastries.

Rule #7's another important one, and difficult to do in practice (especially for me, since I rarely perform as a solo and don't have a huge array of material). That's why (at the last Mpls circle I was in) you saw me frantically scanning my list when the person before me in the circle was in the middle of their song -- searching for something that would work as a follow-up... I'd prefer to skip my lead turn than to kill the synergy.

I'd also prefer to play bass than guitar when it's not my lead turn ('cause I'm a better bass player than guitarist), but that's Rule #11: only one person is allowed to play bass during a given song. There are other instruments to which that rule could apply, as well. :-)

Thanks for posting these... as I've said before, I'm fascinated by the social etiquette of the Mpls-style music circle, and I love your take on the 'rules.' (Though I suspect there's a Dire Reason for the post. *sigh*)

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

"Someone who wants to take an a cappella turn should instead eat some pastries."

This cracked me up. There are exceptions, but they are rare. And they tend to be sing-along acapella stuff, like, Barrett's Privateers.

The reason isn't Dire. Laura's been bugging me to post my sense of the "unwritten rules" for awhile. But there have been a number of inspirations lately.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

It wasn't dire, but there was a music party at our house last night -- and K and I lost control of the guest list: mixed success.

B