10 rules for music parties.

[lollardfish]

Rules for Music Parties - unfiltered by common courtesy. Sorry.

1. Be good. - Do stuff you actually know how to do.
2. If you aren't good, get better.
3. Blend. It is not acceptable to sing louder than the person leading the song (unless they need help). It is not acceptable to drone in monotones under people singing songs. And not all songs are singalongs.
4. Be honest with yourself. If you cannot sing, if you cannot hit the notes, please do not try to take leads. At least not more than one song every three parties. Same with lead musicians. I can't do guitar leads. Someone asks me to, I shake my head. I am trying to learn. Privately, where I can do no damage.
5. Be aware. Don't talk over people doing something pretty. Don't assume they do a song you do in exactly the same way you do. Try to follow.
6. A Capella is very dangerous. If you aren't really amazing, acapella sucks. People can't play along. There's no space for leads. And you are probably in violation of rules 1, 3, and 4. A lousy guitar player-singer is much less damaging to the circle than a decent acapella singer.
7. Stay with the mood. if you consistently find yourself unable to follow moods, learn more material. Not all songs are singalongs, but when people are singingalong and the mood is high, don't kick it in the shins.
8. Break the mood when it needs breaking.
9. This is a shared performance space. You are not in control. It is performance, so perform (it's not the same as singing in your shower. Sorry). It's also not a gig for you to do things exactly the way you'd like to on stage. You're leading, but not in control.
10. Break any of these rules KNOWINGLY anytime it seems right to you. Except the first one. Be good.

At a music party, everyone either adds or subtracts. I believe I used to add, barely, when I started out. Now I think I'm more of an addition to any given party (though I will always accept constructive feedback, gladly, delivered privately, with cake and pie, and some whiskey, and funny hats). But initially I had only one type of song (ballads), played too quietly, wasn't really aware of what was going on, got thrown when people did things I didn't expect during "my" songs, and so forth.

There are also two kinds of music parties (at least). One is egalitarian, where everyone participating is more important than quality. My rules only apply to the second type, where one is more concerned with making good music. Yes, I am aware that such thinking leads to the Snotty Elitist Music Parties of times past. But - people LIKED those parties. Sorry for those I've offended.

Edit: For another take, Read here.

Comments

[cari-rose.livejournal.com]

Not that I don't agree...but what brought this on?

[mplspunky.livejournal.com]

I was there call me and I'll tell you.
I fear he's already said too much, and I, not nearly enough.

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

I have Brusts on my side. I so win.

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

I've been thinking about it for awhile. sleigh posted something about this long ago.

[mizzlaurajean.livejournal.com]

Thank you.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

The meta-rule is the hardest: Be self aware. Those that need to internalize these rules are generally not self-aware enough to realize that they need to.

(I briefly searched for the link to Steve's post, but couldn't find it.)

B

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

I have it, of course. Read more.

K.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

"When singing, do not sing louder than the person doing the lead."

Right. You'd think it would be obvious.

B

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Steve's points about song choice are really good ones. Playing something everybody knows is a winning strategy. The other musicians play along, people can sing, and the energy in the room goes through the roof. This happened once last night. (I forget the song.)

Introducing a new song is a risk. Lots of times it pays off, but that might take a while, and people have to be charitable until they are familiar with it. Some of the 5CB songs lollardfish is introducing are getting there. The Tim Carroll song I handed to chasophonic is all the way in, as is The Hockey Monkey Song. Other examples abound.

K.

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

"All around my hat." The surprise hit of the night.

[laurel]

Word.

I used to chat in email a lot re music party philosophy and the best ways it can work and the worst ways it breaks down with fredcritter, Bob & Kathy, and other fine folks. I've been to so many music parties in the last 15-20 years that I think I've seen every possible way for them to break down and ways for them to really rock. I cherish the memory of some snotty elistist parties and Tor parties and various consuite parties and pool parties.

It's been fun watching you (and Kurt and others) start playing in the circles and to see you grow as musicians and as participants in the circles. And yeah, if I may say so, you really do "get it" now. (Oh that everyone did, though of course folks gotta start somewhere. But some have better starts than others. Some people exhibit learning behavior, others not so much).

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

The thing is that there were universally respected people who were the leaders, and willing to keep the norm pretty high. Those people are still the leaders in many ways, but they aren't around as much (and sorely missed). Also, Minicon as the defining annual music event no longer functions that way.

Minicon, like Winipeg, had enough space for all the different kinds of music jams to happen within it. The open mic style, the concert performance, the SEMP, the Tor party, the Thursday night con suite party. Each of these had their own norms, and gave different people a chance to be a part of the music (and some people a chance to be a part of the music every night). I think Baggiecon needs to think about that - having some nights explictly open to all (and to kick people like me in the shins until I'm happy about it), but also having a night or two where the more polished musicians get to jam.

The key with me "getting it" now, is to verify that for a long time I didn't. I think the guy 'Dave' who sat next to me last night is getting closer, but not there yet. Still, he was a much bigger positive member last night than he was a year ago at Minicon, and this is a good thing.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

The energy never gets built up when the players consider a Minnstf music circle to be a performance space and not a community event.

K.

[gerisullivan.livejournal.com]

Very well said.

Your comments about material choice, staying with the mood, leading, and related performance issues apply primarily to the musicians in the circle. But -- and I think your essay reflects this -- these are things the audience needs to be aware of, too.

The kind of music party we're talking about it a collaborative creative event involving everyone present. When it works, it sings and it gladdens and strengthens the heart and the community forever. When it doesn't, it hurts.

At a music party, everyone either adds or subtracts.

The tricky part here is that most all of us do some things that add and some things that subtract in every music party we're at. We do something really graceful, really funny, or utterly moving at one moment and we're a klutz tromping on things the next. The key is for each of us to do many, many more things that add -- to each individual party, and to a great, long run of them for those of us blessed enough to be at lots.

All of that said, your list is still really, really good. Thank you for posting it, and for the link to sleigh's writings on this same subject from a while back.

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

I miss you at these. You added by beaming and dancing and otherwise making playing music joyful.

And yes, no one can add all the time. But they try to be aware of how they add, and how they subtract, and get better.

As an example, at a certain party I and a good friend were both intoxicated. The friend was being loud while I was trying to play a pretty song. I got furious (because I was too drunk to play the song, and too drunk not to be distracted), put down my guitar mid-song, and walked away and went to bed. I'd say we both subtracted that night (oh, whisky whisky, Nancy Whisky!), even though usually I feel we're both great additions. So ... I mean it when I say that these rules apply to me, most of all.

[sleigh.livejournal.com]

Those are rules I can agree with... and yeah, I break 'em occasionally too. Sometimes deliberately, sometimes accidentally. Rule #1 is the key, as you say... but it's hard for a person to be self-critical enough to know if they qualify. I might think I'm good enough... but the majority of the circle might disagree once they hear me. There have occasionally been people in circles I've been in who I didn't feel were good enough. But hey, I'm a snob.

Rule #3: Unless the song's expressly a sing-along, I want to hear the lead person sing the song. Not anyone else. Sing along at the chorus if you must, preferably in harmony, and definitely at a lower volume than the lead person.

Rule #6: I've yet to hear anyone at the circles I've been in sing a cappella who didn't drift in pitch, and badly. None of them have as yet exhibited the phenomenal voice required for unaccompanied singing. None of them have as yet failed to destroy the energy of the circle with their choice of song. Someone who wants to take an a cappella turn should instead eat some pastries.

Rule #7's another important one, and difficult to do in practice (especially for me, since I rarely perform as a solo and don't have a huge array of material). That's why (at the last Mpls circle I was in) you saw me frantically scanning my list when the person before me in the circle was in the middle of their song -- searching for something that would work as a follow-up... I'd prefer to skip my lead turn than to kill the synergy.

I'd also prefer to play bass than guitar when it's not my lead turn ('cause I'm a better bass player than guitarist), but that's Rule #11: only one person is allowed to play bass during a given song. There are other instruments to which that rule could apply, as well. :-)

Thanks for posting these... as I've said before, I'm fascinated by the social etiquette of the Mpls-style music circle, and I love your take on the 'rules.' (Though I suspect there's a Dire Reason for the post. *sigh*)

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

"Someone who wants to take an a cappella turn should instead eat some pastries."

This cracked me up. There are exceptions, but they are rare. And they tend to be sing-along acapella stuff, like, Barrett's Privateers.

The reason isn't Dire. Laura's been bugging me to post my sense of the "unwritten rules" for awhile. But there have been a number of inspirations lately.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

It wasn't dire, but there was a music party at our house last night -- and K and I lost control of the guest list: mixed success.

B

[sleigh.livejournal.com]

Another thought: y'know, those Snotty Elitist Music Parties (SEMPs) might be snotty and elitist, but as a writer there are also all those "By Invitation Only" anthologies out there, and those are snotty and elitist in the same way. They're SEMPs in literary form.

The person whose party/anthology it is gets to set the bar for the musicianship and choose those they feel meets that bar or not. There's nothing inherently wrong with that.... and the average skill level is generally much higher as a result, even if an individual musician/author might have an 'off night.' There's far more of a guarantee (or as much of a guarantee as is possible with the creative act) that the result is going to be entertaining at a SEMP.

So what's wrong with that?

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

The analogy isn't a good one. A party is believed to be a social, egalitarian space, while a book anthology is not. Maybe party/APA, and concert with many acts / anthology.

B

[jbru.livejournal.com]

Many of these rules are why I took so long before bringing my bodhran to music circles. For almost a year I sat in the audience, muffled the drum and played along for my own benefit. When I felt I was ready to sit in and "do no harm," I did so tentatively and sought out feedback from those I trusted. I'm planning two more instruments in my repertoire (with vague fancies for another two) and plan to follow similar strategies as I gain proficiency.

[jadiana.livejournal.com]

It's interesting to me to read about this; first, when I was into music and lived in LA, no one I knew held music parties. Except for us. Though I suspect that what we did was very different from what you guys are talking about.

My roommates and I had a little 8-track studio out back that we had built into the guest house of our house. (Oh yes, this is about 1986 btw, hence the 8-track ;) ). We'd throw a regular party, and since 90 percent of everyone we knew was in the music business it would always turn into a big jam session.

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

Sounds great. I'm in!

Yikes!

[bodi-kat.livejournal.com]

This is intimidating, to say the least.

And i'm guessing i'm quite guilty of breaking several rules ... Particularly the first 5 ... or maybe 6 ...

('though, in my defense, i never actually INTEND to be A Capella- just that people don't usually play or sing a long ... probably because of that whole "do songs that people in the circle will know" rule mentioned by sleigh ...)

Having said all that, Wpg music circles are much more relaxed than Mpls ones, from what i can tell. But even so. Eep.

Re: Yikes!

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

It is intimidating. I was intimidated, and I worked really hard between my first Minicon and the house party 6 months later. I learned to flat pick. I learned to sing with energy. It probably took me 3-4 years to be comfortable in the music party. It's only in the last two-three years that I've felt even remotely accepted as a peer by the giants of the scene (Fred, Nate, etc).

WFF was very frustrating to me. STRONG CAVEAT - the girl and I were sick the whole time, our tent flooded, and between the heat and mud everything was just awful. You'll have to forgive me, I was not at my best, as the song goes.

But - We had so many people, and I couldn't hear the other musicians a lot of the time. Sometimes people were playing songs they didn't know. The energy never sustained. Every time it came around to me, I felt like I had to play the most up-tempo rousing song I knew to resurrect the energy, and this tired me. It also never carried onward. I like to be handed some energy by the person before me, and I like to pass it on to inspire the people after me. This almost never happened. In the end, I just had to stop playing, and found it very difficult to enjoy.

Mostly, though, I just want the music to be good. I want people to feel they have to practice to be able to play in the circle. And I want people to improve. I do not expect everyone in the circle to be a professional (or would-be professional) musican. I'm surely not anymore. But I work really hard to get better.

That said, I love it when a new person steps up and tries a song, or two, over the course of a night. It's all a question of balance. There have been parties where I have witnessed improvement over the course of an hour or two, and people who, as the years and years go by, never seem to 'get it.'

In the end, though, I know I am much more an elitist when it comes to the music jam then others (some others who are far better musicians than I). That doesn't mean I can't enjoy a good group sing, but not too often.