10 rules for music parties.

[lollardfish]

Rules for Music Parties - unfiltered by common courtesy. Sorry.

1. Be good. - Do stuff you actually know how to do.
2. If you aren't good, get better.
3. Blend. It is not acceptable to sing louder than the person leading the song (unless they need help). It is not acceptable to drone in monotones under people singing songs. And not all songs are singalongs.
4. Be honest with yourself. If you cannot sing, if you cannot hit the notes, please do not try to take leads. At least not more than one song every three parties. Same with lead musicians. I can't do guitar leads. Someone asks me to, I shake my head. I am trying to learn. Privately, where I can do no damage.
5. Be aware. Don't talk over people doing something pretty. Don't assume they do a song you do in exactly the same way you do. Try to follow.
6. A Capella is very dangerous. If you aren't really amazing, acapella sucks. People can't play along. There's no space for leads. And you are probably in violation of rules 1, 3, and 4. A lousy guitar player-singer is much less damaging to the circle than a decent acapella singer.
7. Stay with the mood. if you consistently find yourself unable to follow moods, learn more material. Not all songs are singalongs, but when people are singingalong and the mood is high, don't kick it in the shins.
8. Break the mood when it needs breaking.
9. This is a shared performance space. You are not in control. It is performance, so perform (it's not the same as singing in your shower. Sorry). It's also not a gig for you to do things exactly the way you'd like to on stage. You're leading, but not in control.
10. Break any of these rules KNOWINGLY anytime it seems right to you. Except the first one. Be good.

At a music party, everyone either adds or subtracts. I believe I used to add, barely, when I started out. Now I think I'm more of an addition to any given party (though I will always accept constructive feedback, gladly, delivered privately, with cake and pie, and some whiskey, and funny hats). But initially I had only one type of song (ballads), played too quietly, wasn't really aware of what was going on, got thrown when people did things I didn't expect during "my" songs, and so forth.

There are also two kinds of music parties (at least). One is egalitarian, where everyone participating is more important than quality. My rules only apply to the second type, where one is more concerned with making good music. Yes, I am aware that such thinking leads to the Snotty Elitist Music Parties of times past. But - people LIKED those parties. Sorry for those I've offended.

Edit: For another take, Read here.

Comments

[sleigh.livejournal.com]

Another thought: y'know, those Snotty Elitist Music Parties (SEMPs) might be snotty and elitist, but as a writer there are also all those "By Invitation Only" anthologies out there, and those are snotty and elitist in the same way. They're SEMPs in literary form.

The person whose party/anthology it is gets to set the bar for the musicianship and choose those they feel meets that bar or not. There's nothing inherently wrong with that.... and the average skill level is generally much higher as a result, even if an individual musician/author might have an 'off night.' There's far more of a guarantee (or as much of a guarantee as is possible with the creative act) that the result is going to be entertaining at a SEMP.

So what's wrong with that?

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

The analogy isn't a good one. A party is believed to be a social, egalitarian space, while a book anthology is not. Maybe party/APA, and concert with many acts / anthology.

B

[sleigh.livejournal.com]

A party is supposed to be social and egalitarian, indeed, but does that necessarily extend to the musical component of a party? In a SEMP, for instance, is that same expectation there for the musicians? Maybe this is just me, but if I were at a party I wouldn't presume that because other people are playing and singing I can play and sing as well -- and I wouldn't do so without express permission from the host, or someone telling me in advnace that it's an "open" music party. To do otherwise would be rude.

I'd still argue that a SEMP is a "by-invitation-only" anthology in terms of the musicians. Anyone can read and enjoy the anthology (just as anyone can listen to and enjoy the music), but the editor/host gets to choose the participants.

But I'll agree that the analogy breaks down for an open music circle where anyone who brings an instrument can join in if they want to -- that's like an anthology without an editor. Generally, I think that would be a Very Bad Idea if you're interested in quality. For the writing world, anyway.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

"Maybe this is just me, but if I were at a party I wouldn't presume that because other people are playing and singing I can play and sing as well -- and I wouldn't do so without express permission from the host, or someone telling me in advance that it's an 'open' music party. To do otherwise would be rude."

It's not just you, but it's certainly not everyone.

Part of the problem stems from the open vs closed music party. Rarely is a music circle strictly one or the other; it's more often a hodge podge of unwritten rules and friends vouching for each other. And even if there is a clear line, it's hard to make the distinction clear without being rude from the get go, and many -- we're certainly guilty -- are reluctant to do that. Sadly, it's too often the worse musicians who are clueless. My guess is that in many cases they're deliberately clueless; it's basically a defense mechanism.

This is where the term "Snotty Elitest Music Party" came from. It's an attempt to soften the rudeness through parody. But even with a name like that, people no one wanted to play would come in ans sit down --and if there isn't someone there at that moment whose job it is to be rude, the whole thing fails.

B

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Gadzooks. I usually edit myself better than that.

Sloppy sloppy sloppy.

B

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

The other problem - is that SEMP presupposed an abundance of musicians from which one could weed.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

Yes, but those were Minicon parties where we did have such an abundance. Invitational parties are a lot easier; the host controls the guest list and the music circle. And we know that it doesn't more than four or five leads to have a really good circle.

I remember Minicon music parties where it took an hour to get all the way around the circle, and there were many suck points along the way. The SEMP was a way out of that problem.

B

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

An hour and a half to two hours even. Wasn't so long ago (in the Millenium).

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

And the bad drives out the good. It's a basic problem with any shared resource -- one that I hope to write about in the near future.

B

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

Interesting to think about as a general phenomenon. Looking forward to seeing what you write.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

I not only think of it as a general phenomenon, but I can explain the mechanism by which it works and the security systems that prevent it from happening.

B

[davidschroth.livejournal.com]

I, too, am looking forward to see what you have to say about this problem.

[sleigh.livejournal.com]

Five or six leads would make for an excellent circle, I think. That way it's only 20 to 30 minutes around the circle, and every lead gets several turns during that night. Seems optimum.

But I can also recall the first music party of yours that I attended, and there were (If I'm remembering rightly) eight or maybe even nine leads that night -- and I wasn't even one; I just played bass that night. And it seemed to be an excellent circle also, though it did take a good 45 minutes to go 'round the horn. I certainly remember it fondly.

Hmm... It was an excellent circle, and I didn't take a lead... Hmm... :-)