(no subject)

[lollardfish]

There's a post out there today of a "friend" (not someone I actually know that well) who has been out of touch with LJ.

He's asking for updates because, "If there's something you've been assuming I know because you wrote about it on LJ and in the past I've reliably read your LJ, you might want to point it out to me. Alternately, you can just regard me as the retard in the corner who never knows what's going on."

I find this metaphor infuriating and offensive, although I know that as with most such things he means nothing by it. What's the best response? Ignore? Post something publicly in comments? Send a private email? Write an LJ post of my own about how offensive I find it and hope someone reads it?

What do you think?

Edit - I posted what I hope was both a polite and firm comment.

Comments

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

I've been waiting for your two cents and a ha'penny!

[lydy.livejournal.com]

I know who we're talking about, and I believe that "hate" is not a factor in this case. He's a big fan of Berube, who writes often about his son with Downs. It is a slip of the lip that is not representative of his feelings or actions. It was meant as a self-denigrating comment. I'm sorry that it flicked lollardfish on a sore spot. I think that this leaping into condemnatory language is as bad as what he did.

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

I also believe that there is no hate in this case, but I also know that it was a very stupid thing to say and deserves some kind of response. I'm actually getting angrier about it by the hour, I find.

You see, our children being stuck in the corner with no clue of what's going on is fairly high on the list of nightmares we'll probably experience.

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

Out of curiosity, Lydy, do you think my comment was in fact sufficiently polite and firm?

[lydy.livejournal.com]

I thought it was very civilized and restrained. I find the discussion on your LJ to be somewhat less so. Which is why I spoke up. I don't like having someone I love insulted anymore than you do. I hope you understood that I was not criticizing you or your response.

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

Yes, I understood. And the discussion here is definitely not restrained.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

I dunno. I agree with lydy; it wasn't meant as anything more than a self-denegrating phrase without any specific meaning. I didn't think twice about it when I read it, and I'm not convinced that I would be self-aware enough to avoid writing something similar.

The question seems to be whether the word should be categorized with epithats like "nigger" or not. Once you mention it, I see your point, and will probably remember it for the future; but I wouldn't have without your mention of it. So that implies a quick, non-emotional, e-mail.

B

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

That's interesting for me to read and I'm glad you felt my response was appropriate.

I have to tell you that the original phrase hit me like a slap in the face. I was skimming lj and I literally sat back in my chair as if I had been struck, and my heart started to race.

Anyway, this is #2 of what I'm sure will be thousands of such moments in my life as Nico's dad, and I think I handled this one better than #1 (on a fantasy baseball board).

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

"I have to tell you that the original phrase hit me like a slap in the face."

Of course it did. You're sensitized to the issue. Which makes it -- fair or not -- your job to point it out to others. Because we others missed it.

B

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

Right. And hence why I ultimately decided to post a comment rather than send an email.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

All it takes for the people we know -- the good guys -- to notice it is for someone to point it out. I don't think I'll ever not notice it now.

B