(no subject)

[lollardfish]

There's a post out there today of a "friend" (not someone I actually know that well) who has been out of touch with LJ.

He's asking for updates because, "If there's something you've been assuming I know because you wrote about it on LJ and in the past I've reliably read your LJ, you might want to point it out to me. Alternately, you can just regard me as the retard in the corner who never knows what's going on."

I find this metaphor infuriating and offensive, although I know that as with most such things he means nothing by it. What's the best response? Ignore? Post something publicly in comments? Send a private email? Write an LJ post of my own about how offensive I find it and hope someone reads it?

What do you think?

Edit - I posted what I hope was both a polite and firm comment.

Comments

[creidylad.livejournal.com]

I have little constructive to offer as this sort of thing tends to send me off into a screaming irrational fit of recrimination. Some day perhaps I'll be calm enough about it to share the story of a flamewar I got into with someone I've known 22 years who was complaining about funding for 'retards' outpacing funding for 'smart' kids.

Long story short: I find it generally useful to point out calmly to people (when I can manage calm) that taking an adjective and turning it into a noun as a way to refer to people -- and then using it as a pejorative for another group entirely -- is extremely dehumanizing and hard to respond to without hurt.

And at the same time I must admit guilt. It wasn't until a wheelchair-bound friend recently noted on her LJ how insulting the adjective 'lame' was that I even thought about that word and what it really meant, and only a few years ago did I come to realize what the origin of "gyp" was and ditch it from my vocabulary entirely. So the odds are of course that this guy has no idea how insulting he's being... but you already knew that.

[lollardfish.livejournal.com]

The real issue, which I did not articulate perhaps all that well, was whether to issue a public hopefully polite comment or send a private email. I ultimately chose the former.

[creidylad.livejournal.com]

I think you chose right. Just sharing my lack-of-perspective -- I usually shout (or get snappish) about this crap as loudly as possible before I can think. I admire your thoughtful restraint in this.

[minnehaha.livejournal.com]

"Screaming fits" sounds bad for you.

K.

[creidylad.livejournal.com]

Well, to be fair to myself here, when I say 'a screaming irrational fit of recrimination' I mean compared to my usual outlook, which means I probably get a little tense for a while and then rant about it to loved ones in the privacy of my own home.