lollardfish

Does he communicate what he wants at all? I see you mention above the possibility that you're missing it, but are you seeing any communication of wants?

If it were me--and that's what I mean, not "if I were you"--I would give him anything he asked for (if it's candy or something like that, a tiny bit; if it's something healthy, a good portion), and along with it, offer other things. I would try my best not to communicate that it mattered to me in the least what he ate or didn't eat. I would let him see me eating things he refused, and I would make "yummy" signs about it. (Surely there's a "yummy" sign?!?!?)

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I would do these things too. I'd also offer several kinds of food at every meal, and if he rejects all, so be it.

K.

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For how many days? If you knew he was eating, say, only oatmeal, would you present oatmeal with every meal? Every other meal? One meal a day?

If you knew that presenting yoghurt or graham crackers would mean he absolutely would not eat anything else in that session, would you present yoghurt or graham crackers every meal? Every other meal? Only after eating something else?

These are the kinds of questions in which we are lost.

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Well, I'd offer a little bit of the things we had in the house that I think he will like, whether that's bananas or noodles or whatever, a few choices, so that he can select them if he wants to. And then I'd go down the list towards what he's known to eat reliably. This would end up with him being offered oatmeal, yogurt, or graham crackers at every meal, clearly.

I would be very mindful of avoiding thinking, "he's just outwaiting me on the Brussels sprouts because he knows I'll give him the graham crackers eventually." I am aware of food struggles in families where the children are almost all grown and I would wish so much for that path to be one your family does not take.

K.

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Oh, I am soooooo with K. on that last sentence!!!

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Yeah.

I'm stressed both about dinner in an hour and dinner in four years, at the same time.

It's dis-pleasant.

I don't know how to not think such thoughts when they seem so evidently true. I try to de-emphasize each meal time and just set him down with smiles and music (not so much today because of the 9 hours of whining).

It will be interesting to see how he handles Laura over the next week, since a lot of the problem is presumably contained in our parental-child dynamic.

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It would help me to avoid such thoughts by replacing them with, "this is how we're handling this phase as he grows up" and "if he is choosing his own foods, that's a step forward," and "I better wipe up that oatmeal before it hardens into a crust that's tougher than cement."

Plus thinking about the excellent meal of my own I'll be having after I'm done feeding him.

K.

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mmmm ... hot dogs.

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:-)

K.

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I suspect that a person could live healthily for quite a long time on oatmeal, yoghurt, and graham crackers.

Here's one important thing parents have to learn to accept: short of becoming abusive, a parent cannot force a child to eat. It can't be done.

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Yeah. That was a hard transition from infancy (where you could, eventually, just get a taste on his lips and convince him it was time to eat) to toddlerhood.

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He does say yes or no. One way to solve the problem is to present him with every possible food item until he signs yes. OTOH, that conflicts with one strong set of parenting advice (see Sharon's comment below. She's right, that's usual). The communications, though, are REALLY clear. What they aren't are nouns (items of food) that would communicate need and allow us to communicate back (three bites of chicken, then cookie) in the usual parent way, although I've been trying to create that vocabulary.

We've certainly tried things along with your method. He usually enjoys feeding me his dinner, although today it's been crying at the sight of the food he doesn't want, then all smiles and beaming. It's a manipulation, but again, knowing that doesn't make the response clear.

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